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Viewing 1 - 6 out of 6 Blogs.
It's not easy finding a full-time job. Well, you can find them but getting hired is the tricky part. Here's my history so you'd understand what I'm going through: I graduated last year in May from college. I majored in Mass Communcations with a double minor of Theater and Creative Writing in English. Once I graduated I was excited about my next journey. It's been a year and no new job. I currently work part that at a college as an office assistant, I get paid bi-weekly and the paycheck barely covers my bills. Plus, Human Resources always find ways to mess with my paycheck. It gets frustrating because I send out my resume to many places and no response. I've showed my resume to professionals and professors so to make sure there are no errors and it's organized. Unfortunately the economy is bad where jobs are laying people off and companies that are hiring get tons of resumes. A couple of friends of mine told me that some people we fired at the company. So it's a bit scary but I have to keep going, right? Luckily I have some friends who been trying to help me out. After a while it does get depressing and frustating (which is where I'm currently at). Especially since I'm dying to get my own place. My mother and I don't get along at all. Also, it's time for me to be on my own. I'm 25 yrs old for goodness sake. So, I'm going to go full force again with job searching. I'm not giving up. Hopefully, it works out 'cause I'm tired of things going bad. I would like to say, "Atleast I have my health," but I'm sick. Hurray for me!
I'm sick and I can barely speak, yet I feel like being talkative and singing every song I know. When I'm not sick then I'm not so talkative. What the heck? Does this happen to you too?
George Bush has a heart attack, dies, and goes to hell where he's confronted by the devil. "I don't know what to do", says the devil. "You're on my list, but I don't have any space for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you, I'll let one of them go but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide (since you are, afterall, the DECIDER) who leaves. George thought the deal sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened a door to the first room, in it was Richard Nixon in a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room, in it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all could do was break rocks all day!" commented George. The devil opened a third door. In that room George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms over his head, and his legs spread in an eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and, finally, said "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning,let alone 'Happy Birthday.
'
I thought... Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids... they will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat depressed.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door
and said,
'You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.
'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day.
Let's go !'
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet restaurant with a private table.
We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said,
'You know, It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We?'
I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner.
'
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment.
I'll be right back...'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing
'Happy Birthday'!!
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on to the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her
six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk as to her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct, but how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
Tags: Joke Silly Never Ask A Drunk A Question
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