As I get older, my favorite stuff starts to suck. My tastes change for sure. Some things I can't believe I ever liked, but then I wore cowboy boots from time to time in the '80s. We drank stolen two liter bottles of California Cooler,went to see horrid films, and thought sleeveless t-shirts were cool. The mullet was perfectly acceptable as a haircut especially if you cut Brian Bosworth stripes into the sides. Some of this suckage was cultural, but some of it makes me wonder what they were putting in the water besides fluoride.

Case in point: Commando. I saw this flick at the Mission Valley Cinema in Raleigh, NC, and boy did I love it. Back then, anything with Arnie in it was my taste, but then I went to see NWA wrestling almost once a month at Dorton Arena. I saw this celluloid garbage again this week and either I was a complete idiot back in my teens, or the entire culture was dumb. Most likely its a combination of both. Arnie plays a retired Special Forces operative named John Matrix (such a common surname) who is blackmailed out of retirement by Nick Tortelli (Carla on Cheers husband). Tortelli is a Caribbean drug lord who needs Matrix's special skill set to do some dirt. The soldiers uniforms don't fit or match, and some of them are wearing Reeboks. Sometimes there are muzzle flashes from the endlessly firing and never reloaded firearms. Arnie kills damn near the entire population of the island with the help of cabin attendant Rae Dawn Chong. That's right, Rae Dawn Chong. The one liners come frequently (my favorite: after dropping a guy off of a cliff Rae asks where the dude is and Matrix replies, "I let him go"). This dreck was a combination of Dirty Harry and Rambo, without all the subtlety and great writing. And I freaking loved it in 1985. Damn, I sucked (and a hearty feck You to those who just responded, "you still do.")

Recently I insisted that my common law watch Mallrats with me. I had loved this movie since the first time I saw it way back in 1996. I figgered she'd at least enjoy seeing Jason Lee in his first role, but what I didn't figger was that this film is trash. Completely stupid, with stilted dialog, bad acting and Shannen Doherty. I know almost every line in the movie, and still I had no real clue of how bad this shiite is. I went and got old. This all makes me wonder which of my current favorite movies will absolutely suck the next time I see them. Since I've been digging Horror lately, the safe bet is all of them. Some movies don't take all that long to go bad like a jug of milk. Napoleon Dynamite, Dodgeball, and Planet Terror come to mind. These movies I enjoyed the first watch, but felt quite stupid for liking them the second time I saw them. I know I'll be ready for the old folks home when I stop laughing at Bad Santa.