This just is the way it is . . . Deal with it!
Rules of Nebraska:
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & pigs. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-80 goes east and west, I-29 goes north and south. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat perch & walleye. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah....We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in Nebraska....and we like it with tomatoes & beans !
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
13. College and high school football is just as important as watching the Broncos and the Cowboys and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try University of Nebraska at Lincoln, Omaha or Kearney, Doane, Dana or Hastings College . They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have lots of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, so "Don't Mess with Nebraska". If you do, you will get whipped by the best
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