Dublin is the capital of Ireland, and has been home to some of the finest writers in the English Language. But the locals often speak in a dialect of their own, and a visitor may well be confused by what they hear.
Dubliners are often heard playfully berating each other!
"Don't be acting the maggot," one might say to another.
To which the witty Dublin retort would be:
"You're goin' around like a constipated greyhound. Shut your bleedin' cakehole."
"I will in me arse" Our friend may well reply.
"You talking to me or chewin' a brick? Either way you're going to end up in a dentist chair!" might come the response.
"If bull-shit was music, you'd be a be a brass bleedin' band."
"And if brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose."
A concerned passerby might be engaged in the interaction by one of the participants asking:
"What are you gawking at?"
"I don't know," the passerby might answer, "But it looks like a pair of banjaxed pox bottles."
Hostilities over, the men would quench their thirsts with a pint of stout in the local pub.
"Come on and we'll go on the piss," one of the locals would suggest.
If one appeared over anxious to indulge in alcoholic beverages, it might be observed of him that:
"He'd suck a wet beermat", or that perhaps "he lick it off a scabby leg."
If he was particularly fond of the beer, it might be said of him that: "He'd drink it out of a hooer's boot."
Should their conversation turn to discussing mutual acquaintances, it may well be said of somebody that was full of their own importance that
"She thinks he's the cat's pyjamas
If the same person was not terribly good looking, it might be said of her that
"She has a face like the Earl of Hell's arse"
If a person is mean, or tight-fisted, the local Dubliners may well observe
"He'd live in your ear and sublet your ear-drum," which may well turn out to be a good deal more spacious than much of the property currently available in the city.
Of course when it comes to actually learning of the accent they call slang they tell you to soften your vowels and sharpen your constnents I say stick to the language the Lord gave ya cause he could always take it back!
